Jokes for Every Sign of the Zodiac

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People of every sign need to be able to take a joke. You can find some common Zodiac jokes below.

Jokes About the Zodiac Signs

I can’t take credit for these jokes. I heard them from some of my funnier Capricorn and Gemini friends. But here they are.

How many Aries does it take to change a bulb?

Just one, but you’ll need lots of light bulbs.

  • How many Taurus does it take to change a bulb?

None, the Taurus don’t like to change anything.

  • How many Gemini do you need to change a bulb?

Two, of course. It’s going to take all weekend, but when they finish the light bulb you’re going to clean the house, speak French and give light of the colour you want.

  • How many cancers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but you’ll have to spend three years in therapy to get through the process.

  • How many Leos are needed to change a bulb?

A Leo doesn’t change bulbs unless he holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

  • How many Virgos does it take to change a bulb?

Let’s see: one to tighten the bulb, one to take note of when the bulb was burned and the date it was purchased, another to decide who was to blame for the bulb being burned, ten to remodel the house while the rest change the bulb.

  • How many pounds does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, I don’t really know… I think it depends on when the bulb burned out. Maybe just one, if it was a common bulb, but two if the person didn’t

know where to find a new light bulb, or maybe…

  • How many Scorpio does it take to change a bulb?

Who is it that wants to know? Why are you the one that wants to know, are you a policeman?

  • How many Sagittarius does it take to change a bulb?

The sun is shining, it’s early, we have our whole life ahead of us and are you worried about changing a stupid bulb?

  • How many Capricorn does it take to change a bulb?

None. Capricorns don’t change light bulbs, unless it’s good business.

  • How many Aquariums does it take to change a bulb?

Hundreds of Aquariums will appear, all competing to see who will be the only one to bring light to the world.

  • How many Pisces does it take to change a light bulb?

What? Did the light go out

How are the signs after having sex :

Aries: “All right, let’s go for round 2!”

Taurus: “I’m hungry – give me some Doritos”.

Gemini: Where is the remote control at?”

Cancer: “Why aren’t we hitched already? It has been two weeks.”

Leo: “Wasn’t I the best you ever had?”

Virgo: “The sheets need to be washed.”

Libra: “I only liked it if you did.”

Scorpio: “Do you want me to remove the handcuffs? You look so sexy in them.”

Sagittarius: “Don’t give me a call. I will text you when I feel like it.”

Capricorn: “Please tell me you have a corporate credit card?”

Aquarius: “‘We should try it with our clothes still on this time.”

Piscis: “I already forgot your name – what was it?”

How every sign says their prayers:

ARIES: Dear God, make me a more patient persona and do it right now!”

TAURO: Dear God, make it easier for me to accept change, but not just yet. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”

GEMINIS: “Dear God … (wait, are you actually a goddess? I shouldn’t assume)… Who, where and what are you? Are there multiple of you? How many divine beings are in this universe? Am I praying to all of you right now?”

CANCER: “Dear Father, I am sorry for being so needy and high maintenance, but nobody else can help me while my blanket is in the laundry.”

LEO: “Hi, Father! You must be so proud that I am your son! I am the best on you ever had!”

VIRGO: “Dear God, please create a new world from scratch. And get it right this time, please.”

BOOK: “Dear God, I know that I should totally start making decisions on my own… but what should I do here?”

SCORPIO: “My God, can you teach me forgiveness for those obnoxious assholes that totally do not deserve it?”

SAGITARY: “O Almighty, all powerful, unconditionally loving, graceful, wonderful God, I know that I have already make this request a BAZILLION TIMES — help me to stop EXAGERATING !!!!! !!!!!”

CAPRICORN: “My Father, I was going to say some prayers and ask you to solve my problems, but it is time I get off my ass and solve them myselves. But thanks for the offer, anyways.”

AQUARIUS: “It is crazy, God! Some people think you’re a man and others think that you’re a woman. But I think every one of us is a God. So what is the point of praying? Let’s celebrate!”

PISCIS: “Heavenly Father, I have but one request as I get ready to drink this last bit of whiskey. My only request is that my drunkenness be in the name of your eternal glory, now and forever!”

The Taurus and Humor

As cold as it may sometimes seem, Taurus is the opposite of what it appears to be. In fact, almost 90% of the people who know him judged soon and without thinking about the Bull. In any conversation, Taurus is one of those who first always observes his environment. He is not the typical person who screws up or makes some “funny” comment for the rest to laugh at. No.

Tauro is one of those who doesn’t realize that he’s being funny and yet, he drops a few points that make the most serious laugh. He doesn’t talk much but when he does it always looks good. He knows what he is saying and in what context and with the jokes exactly the same thing happens. He won’t be the funniest person in the room, that’s for sure, but when he wants to make a joke it’s incredible, out of 10.

They have no problem laughing at themselves, and are the first to make jokes about something they did or a mistake they experienced. They will let others laugh, let others talk and make jokes about her/him. But beware because this will be to some extent. Everything has its moment and its situation and Taurus knows very well when everything is in a jocular environment or when things are being passed on from mother to mother and are only to do harm. And that’s where the laughter ended, that’s where it all ended.

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